Down In The Crazy
Down In The Crazy

Lost Journal of a Zaptek Climate Change Engineer

Chapters 1-6    1. The Trilobite Tragedy | 2. Maybe Nada | 3. The Whorl
4. Toadsaga | 5. The Great Dying | 6. Here Be Dragons!

Between Worlds

I left my world behind to help in the building of a new world. My Mothership was programmed to take me there and my Control Panel would jump start my project. I existed for a time between worlds, knowing where I came from but not knowing where I was going. They said I would lose my memory but it would return eventually. They told me to keep a journal. This is it.

Chapter One
The Trilobite Tragedy


Planet Earth, Prefishtoric World    Neoproterozoic Era, Proterozoic Eon, Precambrian Through Katian Age, Ordovician Period, Paleozoic Eon

Journal Entries 1-12, The Trilobite Tragedy    1. Amoeba Recruitment Project    2. Humanoid Intrusion    3. Trilobite Clinic Platform    4. Trilobite Repair Platform    5. Future Bug    6. Do What Thou Wilt    7. Jellyfish Transducer Platform    8. Trilobite Workshop    9. Time Off
10. Extinction    11. Fishing Vacation    12. Nada

Art Links, Amoeba Recruitment Project    1. Shopping Mall     2. Between Worlds     3. Journey Into Space-Time     4. Lost Journal and Cargo Mishap
5. Artpod    6. Amoeba Climate Change Seminar    7. Become Trilobite
8. Jet Fetish    9. Global Warming    10. Oil Addict    11. Smartship Equipment    12. Geological Timeline    13. Ground Floor Opportunity
14. Trilobite Trawler    15. George the Amoeba    16. Snack Shack    17. Snack Shack Trap    18. Smartship Argo    19. Zapadapt Amoeba Platform 1
20. Zapadapt Amoeba Platform 2    21. Zapadapt Amoeba Platform 3


I came to assist with the evolution of form and consciousness being driven by the geological evolution of the planet itself. The essential property is climate and the essential dynamic is change. Planet Earth climate change made me a Class 12 Zapadapt Climate Change Engineer. In the early days it seemed against all odds that I would achieve Class 12 or even Class 2. So many crazy things happened on this planet, that my world calls "Down In The Crazy," and no one told me about the sacrifices I would have to make to achieve my transcendence. When I lost my memory I began keeping an illustrated journal so I wouldn't forget other things. That journal, also lost, is now on display in the Zapadapt Museum of History. All the journal entries that follow are true and faithful accounts of my experiences as a Zap Agent.

Cargo Mishap

I did not anticipate the turbulence upon entry and lost some cargo and my first journal. I lost the memory of where I came from. I remember being told to prepare for complete loss of memory. How does someone prepare for that, I wonder? I don't know. I became confused. I started a new journal, hoping to remember some things I forget and hoping not to forget other things. I began to record my experiences on planet Earth. I discovered an Artpod on my Mothership as standard equipment, essential for retrieving lost cargo.

Om, Class 12 ZapTek Climate Change Engineer

Cargo Retrieval


Amoeba Recruitment Project

Amoeba Climate Change Seminar

Amoeba Climate Change Seminar

800 million years ago I came to consciousness in a vast, amorphous world. I was sitting at my Zapadapt Control Panel at the bottom of the ocean explaining climate change to amoebas. According to my journal I am a ZapTek Climate Change Engineer, Class 1, and it is my job to make sure plenty of amoebas become trilobites, a marine arthropod destined to rule planet Earth oceans as a basic food source for 300 million years, if you can call that ruling and if amoebas will get on board with the program.

We can't evolve life on planet Earth if amoebas won't adapt. They are our first building blocks in creature evolution, the ones on the ground level of the immense and miraculous construction of life that is to follow. So, it is on the ground level I find myself working to ensure those blocks are properly in place.

Amoeba Climate Change Seminar

In this Prefishtoric World, with the promise of future fishes appearing as shadows of what may come, amoebas' status on the planet is undeniable. They have ruled for millions of years as microscopic, watery blobs and are set in their blobby ways. Oh, they'll show up at the seminar just to get the free bacteria snacks but they ignore my warnings of the dangers to them of climate change.

Jet Fashion

I can remember a time, far, far away in the inconceivable future of the Meghalayan Age, where an advanced Homo sapiens species congratulates itself on hoarding 37 trillion cells per person and sports a highly developed brain while perfecting a Jet Fetish. This involves getting high on flying around burning fossil fuel, as though it has no negative impact on the environment whatsoever, and making no better decisions about climate change than single-celled amoebas, while cruising at 30,000 feet above the earth. It's an incredible achievement in its own right. I must have lived during that time because I can remember it. Maybe I came from there.

Global Warming

Even though one Homo sapiens has 37 trillion cells, 86 billion of which are brain cells, this modern T-Rex uses that big brain to selectively ignore the simple, indisputable fact that fossil fuel, when burned, releases large amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere causing global warming, as though ignoring it or denying it will make it not so. They say, "Well, my one little jet isn't going to hurt anything and I'll just turn up the air conditioning if it gets too warm." With 50,000 little jets and 1.5 billion automobiles, that strategy won't work. So, the choice is simple: ignore it/deny it or pay lip service to it.

Oil Addict

Give up burning fossil fuel? That's asking too much of an oil addict, but it's the only solution.

Smartship Argo

I can remember the Meghalayan Age but I don't know how I got here, I just AM here. I lost the journal that tells me where I came from but I did not come alone, I arrived with a lot of equipment I might need in the hull of that Smartship moored over there that apparently brought me here. It's shaped like the Constellation Argo, so maybe I came from there.

It is loaded with a variety of wire mesh used for establishing perimeters, I would imagine. I'm not sure entrapment is the ideal path to take but I may have to resort to that. Amoebas need to understand they must become trilobites in order to gain the armor they need to survive the coming climate change. Formation of planetary land masses is going to make the climate insufferable (try explaining that to an amoeba) so the extra protection of the trilobite exoskeleton will keep them safe.

Geological Timeline, Planet Earth

To participate in the program they need to sign up during the recruitment period and accept the terms of the "Form-Up" Zap Binding Contract. If they do I can promise their species an uninterrupted 300 million year run as a marine arthropod. Upon signing the contract, 260 million years will fly by and the next thing they know they will find themselves paddling around as trilobites in the Funhouse Ocean to begin their blissful 300 million year extension, including warranty.

Geological Timeline, Planet Earth

I may have embellished the outcome a bit, especially the part about the ocean and the bliss, and I failed to mention the contract would not extend the length of their own personal lives, but I needed them to sign up. It's hard to get a creature to take an action that benefits the species over a span of generations rather than benefits the individual in their own lifetime. Homo sapiens, meaning "wise human," seems to be the only species in which the action is a cognitive choice. That means they can collectively choose not to continue their species.

Trilobite Trawler, Fortunian Age

In the final effort, and my one big chance to influence amoebas to become trilobites, I conducted this seminar to help them understand exactly their situation. I tried to sell it to them by telling them they can get in on the ground floor of the most phenomenal evolutionary opportunity in the entire history of planet Earth, called the Cambrian Explosion.

I hyped it by telling them that even in the 800 million years of Earth history to follow, there will be nothing like it. I said to them that they are fortunate, indeed blessed, to have the rare privilege to opt to live during the Fortunian Age of the Terreneuvian Epoch of the Cambrian Period of the Paleozoic Era of the Phanerozoic Eon. Then, after I have completed their forced transform to trilobites, which I certainly did not mention to them, I will be able to scoop them up with my fold-out Trilobite Trawler, should I need any of their body parts for later use.

When it comes to species evolution I prefer to take the positive approach rather than the negative, but in the case of amoebas I thought a threat to their lives might be more effective than an appeal to their aspirations. So, as an added incentive, I reminded them of the dangers to them of missing out on the chance of getting better armor during the upcoming climate change, and that without it they may be doomed to extinction.

I'm not sure they understand the concept of extinction and I may have pushed that point a bit much but I needed their cooperation.

Amoeba George

If any creature on the planet is immortal, in terms of longevity of species, it's an amoeba so I may have told a whopper when I told them they would become extinct without the armor. But some of them have to get with the program and "Form-Up" - take on a new, more complex form. This is how evolution works. I explained it personally to George, an amoeba who showed up at the seminar to have a bacteria snack.

He didn't seem to care but he was all about eating a fresh bacteria snack in the Zapadapt Snack Shack. As I explained to George, the new form doesn't come with an owner's manual; you just come to consciousness sitting inside it and little by little learn how to work the controls. True, it might seem a bit constrictive after wearing one that blobs out in any direction you want it to go, but you can get used to the new form if you try.

Zapadapt Snack Shack

My first attempt at the Snack Shack was not very successful in the sense of capturing amoebas after they overeat and move slow. It was simple enough to lure the amoebas in with fresh bacteria snacks but another matter to capture them. I think this was when I realized the Extremely Small Super Tiny Wire Mesh I found on the Smartship Argo could be expanded to cover the entire area around the Snack Shack.

I relocated the Snack Shack directly over a vast field of ocean flora, where I had noticed amoebas congregating. That move to a new location and the wire mesh, along with clever advertising, accomplished my objectives! I sequestered zillions of amoebas, I am excited to say.

Zapadapt Snack Shack

As a selling point to becoming trilobite, a creature with an exoskeleton that serves as armor, I remind George and all the other sequestered amoebas that the skeleton is actually on the outside instead of the inside, so they'll still be blobby on the inside. (That was another whopper.) I try to connect with the curious ones who give these things some thought, those that know a climate change is gonna come, but there aren't enough of those. They're mostly like George, looking for a bacteria freebie at the Snack Shack.

Explain and embellish though I might, George and the rest of these amoebas wouldn't see my point and didn't want to make any changes. I think if the climate crisis happened faster they would be more responsive. It's a hard sell to get them to make changes for something that will occur 200 million years from now. But if one of them suddenly sprouted teeth they would respond in a flash.

Homo sapiens have essentially the same issue. Their brains aren't wired to respond easily to threats that aren't dooming them immediately. When I came to consciousness for a time in the Meghalayan Age (I remember it was generally a fishing vacation) I came across this quotation in the newspaper as I was wrapping my fish in it. Perhaps I was there just to read it, because I find it very helpful in advancing my understanding of amoebas.

Our brain is essentially a get-out-of-the-way machine. That's why we can duck a baseball in milliseconds. While we have come to dominate the planet because of such traits, threats that develop over decades rather than seconds circumvent the brain's alarm system. Many environmentalists say climate change is happening too fast. No, it's happening too slowly. It's not happening nearly quickly enough to get our attention. (Daniel Gilbert, Harvard University)

So, facing the problem squarely, the problem being how to evolve a species that can duck a baseball in milliseconds, by getting life on the planet from one individual with a single cell to one individual with 37 trillion cells, - all the while circumventing one devastating climate crisis after another - I have to get ahead of the looming climate crisis, as any competent Zap Agent would do. I did the only thing I could do.

Smartship Argo

I downloaded the equipment from my Smartship Argo, built an Amoeba Zapadapt Platform, and pushed zillions of amoebas through the Zapadapt to expedite things, whether they wanted to go or not. The tubby ones from the Snack Shack volunteered to go first. Amazing how free bacteria snacks can accomplish one's objective!

Many of them, well, most of them, didn't want to go at all but it was for a good cause, on account of the current climate situation and because of their armor needs, for shielding. They went in as amoeba and came out as trilobite. I don't think it hurt them but it couldn't have been much fun. With any luck they won't be angry with me.

I'm only sorry I couldn't shove their entire species through the Zapadapt, but that would have eliminated all the amoebas on the planet and made a climate crisis out of me. The idea that a species could compete with a planet in the climate change category, causing mass extinction, is truly scary and one I would not like to see explored creatively. However, I think a time may come when that will be exactly what we are faced with as Zap Agents.

This Three-Phase Transform operation required I build a Zapadapt Ocean Floor Raised Platform for the Zapadapt Control Panel with Journal Attachment, an Electric Geneticizer Generator, dedicated Three-Spectrum Portal with Extrudomatic Pipe Attachments, and Water Turbine Power Amplifiers.

Amoeba Zapadapt Platform, Cambrian Period

Phase two involved my own innovation, a telekinetic instruction to the Geneticizer Generator to release a specific amount of static electric energy that would create a DNA Plasma Field designed to glue the entire operation together, as a unit, as it releases the power necessary to balance the energy across the Contained Creation Field. I have to admit I am rather proud of that. I hope Home Office will take notice of it.

Amoeba Zapadapt Platform, Cambrian Period

Additionally, and almost as an afterthought, I added Amoeba Attractors to the base of the Raised Platform to lessen my workload in terms of rounding up transform candidates. As to the substance I used to produce the attraction effect, well, I consider that to be proprietary in nature. Let's just say it's my own secret formula. It worked so well I had to create, in the third phase of the construction, an Overhead Creature Storage and Sorting Processor to hold the sheer number of amoebas that showed up to be transformed.

Amoeba Zapadapt Platform, Cambrian Period

Now that's what I call engineering success! The third phase of this massive operation expanded to Amoeba to Trilobite Transform and converted to a Zapadapt Ocean Floor Camouflage Platform with Zapadapt Control Panel and Journal Attachment, a dedicated Three-Spectrum Portal Transformer Multiplier with Extrudomatic Pipe Attachments.

Again, Water Turbine Power Amplifiers were used, along with Whirlwater Suction Funnels, a Lower Level Catchall Doubledecker Sandbox, and a sign pointing to the Whirlwater Space-Time Portal leading to the Funhouse Ocean.

I was gratified to see how many trilobites were eager to travel through the Whirlwater portal to the Funhouse Ocean. They were lining up to get in so I didn't really need the Extremely Small Super Tiny Wire Mesh but I placed it around the perimeter just in case of attempted escapes. I think that says a lot about my persuasion abilities. I didn't have to install the Zap Works signs, but I wanted to brag a little bit. Zapadapt gets the job done!

I think the sheer size and complexity of this three-phase operation, combined with the professional use of major transformer equipment, would certainly qualify me for Class 2 Engineer.

I am recording my activities as a Zap Agent in my new journal in hopes it will come in handy should Home Office need to review my accomplishments for career advancement purposes. I made an art display of my activities and attempted to upload it via the Smartship Argo but I am not certain it worked or even if such a connection exists.

Waiting to hear back from them about my efforts in the transformation of amoebas to trilobites and also about my erratic schedule.

Om, Class 1 ZapTek Climate Change Engineer


Humanoid Intrusion

Art Links, Humanoid Intrusion    22. Humanoid Intrusion     23. Trilobite Timeline     24. Funhouse Ocean    25. Humanoid Variety    26. Humanoid Spectrum    27. Trilobites Capture a Creature    28. Captured    29. Squids Can't Read    30. Dehumanization    31. Smartship Argo    32. Humanoid Capture Platform    33. Camouflage Ocean Floor Recycle Platform

While I was checking on the trilobites I was thrilled to happen upon a creature not supposed to exist on land or in water, a humanoid creature with six tentacles sprouting from the back of its head. The trilobites were somewhat less thrilled with this Humanoid Intrusion.

Humanoid Intrusion

It appeared they had begun to organize some opposition to this intrusion by calling in the ground troops and the air force. I had to force them into evolving but how fast they respond to an immediate threat! The only way I can get them to organize this fast is by offering a seminar with free food, but here they all are, protecting their territory.

I suppose this is going to become a dominate trait in species all through evolution and rightly so. If the rest of planetary life is as treacherous as this, more than claws and armor is going to be necessary.

Humans are just going to have to evolve so that they can think their way out of climate change problems, otherwise they will need to continue to evolve form - to Form-Up - to adapt. It takes a very long time to do that and they could get caught flatfooted in terms of time and not be able to adapt soon enough and become extinct as a species. Without an intervention, that is. If I didn't know better, and I'm not sure that I do, I would suspect humans to be an implant on the planet rather than home grown. I sometimes think that theory is one reason I am on this project, to investigate it and make a determination about it for myself, at least.

Timeline Trilobites

I was enjoying a little down time to observe the trilobites in the Funhouse Ocean to see if they were having fun yet. I am not sure that I will ever convince them of how much fun it is to live in that ocean at that period of time in Earth history, but I am going to try. It's just as well that they accept their reality than to pretend like it doesn't exist, and a dash of fantasy never hurts.

Funhouse Ocean

Somebody has to live then and there if we are to have proper evolution on the planet, and it might as well be transformed amoebas as anything else. They have the track record of living through a nearly uninhabitable ocean environment, and now they are going to have to do it again.

The difference this time is they are equipped with weapons in the form of spines and claws and, in my opinion, that's an opportunity to have some good fun. 540 million years later on, in the Meghalayan Age, that kind of weaponry constitutes the fun of hundreds of video games. I hope they can find that silver lining.

Perhaps they are finding new confidence in their thick, spiny shielding and maybe they have gained expertise in the use of sharp claws. Just give a creature a weapon, and the yearning to use it becomes the driving force in its life. That's what I'm hoping will happen here.

I don't know what harm the humanoids intend the trilobites but they will not get past me. After all the effort I have made to shepherd trilobites into the new climate age I certainly won't let them be taken out by a creature not supposed to exist.

As to where this thing came from, I have given some considerable thought to that while observing the developing confrontation between the humanoid creatures and the trilobites. I know it could not possibly be a result of natural evolution on the planet because this is the Prefishtoric World. We don't even have fishes yet, sad to say, because I do love to fish.

Humanoid Variety

On a personal note, I am really hoping I will be included in the fishes evolution project when we finally get to that stage of evolution of form. Of course, consciousness has to evolve as well or else we will just have a whole lot of dumb fishes that have no idea how to survive planetary changes. I am pretty sure we are going to have to help with that, being Zap Agents and stewards of the planet.


I make a lot of assumptions about my purpose on this planet and why I am employed this way. The major assumption I make is that I am employed this way because I have never been to Home Office or even heard from them. I just know it exists and I am part of it.

I guess you could call that faith but it is also scientific deduction because I can see all around me the evidences of the truth of that. I also know, deep inside me, the truth of it as well.

Trilobites Capture a Humanoid

As example, one of my assumptions based on scientific deduction from observation of evidences of truth comes from observing these trilobites up close. Although operating in a form involving claws and armor they clearly have a destiny involving sunbathing in the Caribbean sometime in the far distant Meghalayan Age. It's etched into their exoskeletons like a prophecy of the life to come.

Trilobites Capture a Creature

I have to take some credit for that. These are some that I pushed through the Zapadapt. Using the Electrical Geneticizer Generator, standard equipment on the Control Panel, I embued them with genetics designed to elicit a quality of consciousness that enables them to see themselves in some other form than rudimentary trilobite. I made a decision to do that because I knew that, in time, I would be requiring their species to leave behind their trilobite form to take up another form more conducive to the next major climate change.

I may have overdone it but I am impressed with how far they took it. That they can imagine themselves soaking up the sun as a woman on a beach in an unfathomably distant future is fairly prescient.

I noticed quite a few of them, some of the ones I pushed through the Zapadapt, gained various patterns on their exoskeletons that surprised me. I think the artistry is amazing when you consider it was done on a completely unconscious level, either my unconscious or their unconscious or both.

It would appear they reached through time to envision a version of themselves quite unlike the rest of the crowd. Speaks to the malleability of time as well as the activities of the unconscious mind. They have also Captured one the creatures, which is not possible at all, but yet they have done it. I don't know how in the world they got those spears. Time might be a little more malleable that I had previously thought.

As to the humanoid creature, I have no idea where this thing could have originated and I certainly never expected to find it in the Cambrian Period.

Yes, there was an unparalleled explosion of diversity of lifeforms during this time, but I feel sure it was not THIS diverse. It certainly is an anomaly and does not belong here, should not be here and cannot stay here.

Squids Can't Read

This situation comes under the heading of necessary recycling and, luckily, I have the latest model of the Zap Recycle to harvest the parts, along with other useful equipment stored in my smartship, the Argo. I downloaded the equipment and built a Humanoid Capture Platform.

I'm finding it hard to contain my excitement. The creature offers some interesting creation possibilities. Right away, I had my eye on those tentacles because they are exactly what I need for a new model I have in mind. The rest of the parts I can shelve until I need them, and I'm sure I will need them at some point in time. The Meghalayan Age comes to mind, when we may need to reassemble homo sapiens into something more considerate of planetary resources, but until that time I really have no use for the extra parts. Still, waste not, want not, so I shall keep them.

My first attempt at attracting and recycling the humanoid species was, admittedly, slipshod. I do hope Home Office will overlook that in their review of my credentials. I felt somewhat stressed by all the versions of humanoids I encountered and overwhelmed, as well, to think that I alone am going to have to deal with this rampant infestation.

Humanoid Recycling

So I quickly set up a recycling center that projected into the water a solution removing all the color from them before I sent them into the recycle. Thus unable to clearly delineate their facial features on superficial view, except for the fiery red eyes and white facial hair that stood out against the dark background, I could easily dehumanize them for what was to come. I had to abandon that operation because it also removed all the color from me. I quickly learned a lesson from that experience. I can't ever escape personally experiencing the dehumanizing things I do. It will come back on me, one way or another. I also made a note of it in my journal just to make sure Home Office knew I had learned this lesson.

I realized right away I needed better equipment and, fortunately for me, I have a Smartship to help out when something like this comes up. I think it's ok, though, and not at all dehumanizing, that I collect the parts I need because of my objectives that will benefit the entire planet Earth. Some creatures, humanoid or otherwise, just have to be sacrificed on behalf of the advancement of other creatures.

Smartship Argo

My Smartship Argo was right there for me, downloading to the ocean depths all the advanced equipment I might need. What an incredible resource is the Smartship! It leaves me with the ability to focus completely on creativity and, in a blast of creativity which I certainly enjoyed, I created two curious robots to tempt the creatures over to the recycle. My ruse worked, no doubt because this creature lacks sufficient brain power to recognize a threat when he sees it, especially if it is wearing a dress.

Humanoid Capture Platform

To recycle this creature - Humanoid In, Body Parts Out - I assembled a Zapadapt Microthin Elevated Platform to hold a Control Panel equipped with Head and Leg Attachment Clamps, with Extenderstretch Pipes, to the Recycle and a Journal Attachment.

I also used Twin Curious Robot Attractors, an Elongated Electrical Geneticizer Generator, and two Directional Energy Flow Arrow Conductors.

Zapadapt Camouflage Ocean Floor Recycle Platform

Because of the extent of the intrusion I created a full-featured Zapadapt Camouflage Ocean Floor Recycle Platform, designed to conceal the equipment from the humanoids. And it worked! Just look how many body parts I salvaged!

I equipped the Zapadapt Recycle with a TwoIn-TwoOut Extrudomatic Wide-Mouth Funnel System, also with Internal Grinder and External Metal Teeth specially fitted by me to recycle humanoid body parts into usable salvage. This is clearly Class 2 Engineer quality work! Once again, Zapadapt solves the problem!

No word yet from Home Office. They're good at giving me a schedule and putting me to work but not at answering calls. Probably all engaged in a group meditation event. I do know that they are there, I just never hear from them. I am assuming they are very busy with their administrative work involving the universe.

I know it's asking a lot but I still would like to hear from them. Someone has to work at the ground level and I do not consider it a sacrifice but I would gladly sacrifice if it enabled me to help with the proper evolution of the planet.

Om, Class 1 ZapTek Climate Change Engineer


Art Links, Trilobite Platform Clinic     34. Trilobite Graveyard     35. Trilobite Graveyard 2    36. Smartship Argo    37. Trilobite Platform Clinic

I came to consciousness to see trilobite exoskeletons littering the ocean floor in a Trilobite Graveyard. The other trilobites were extremely stressed and apparently angry with me. After thoughtful investigation I discovered the reason why they were dying.

Trilobite Graveyard

Trilobites clearly have molting issues as a result of climate change and they won't accept my explanation that the change is caused by high CO2 levels from so much bacteria and fungi. They don't assimilate new information well and they don't accept that extinction may be their fate, especially after giving up the virtually immortal amoeba form to take on this new armored form.

They are alleging fraud because I told them the exoskeletons would keep then safe. I didn't foresee the CO2 event coming. I guess I should have, as a Class 1 ZapTek Engineer. The trilobites want to be amoebas again and the sick ones are threating litigation on an apocalyptic scale if they can't.

I am reluctant to make a negative comment about any species, particularly one as ancient as this one, but it seems to me they are extremely hard-headed. I am beginning to think it is because their exoskeleton has made them this way, and if that is the case then I am partly to blame because I was the one who convinced them to take it on as armor. Actually, I forced them but that's beside the point.

So I can't really denigrate them too much when the armor I helped them get into is doing such a good job at making them obstinate that it is interfering with my ability to talk sense to them. I am going to need to come up with a solution of how to convince them to get out of that armor and into something with no armor.

But that's a little bit like telling them, "There's a terrible climate change coming and you need to be naked to survive it." I doubt I would go for that, either.

Trilobite Graveyard

They may have an inkling that they need to lose the armor, a kind of species-collective knowing, which could account for their recent grumbling about wanting to be amoebas again. After all, amoebas are awfully squishy and they don't molt. But that form would be too squishy, too small and too round. No, that would be the inappropriate form for the upcoming climate change.

What we need is something elongated, flexible, and slightly squishy, with maybe a spinal nerve for additional sensory perception. Hmmm...I may be able to configure that with my Elongated Geneticizer Generator.

In the meantime I need to provide trilobites with a healing modality. Incredibly, my Smartship had already realized the situation and created for me the equipment I might need. I downloaded the equipment from the Argo and set up a platform clinic in a tropical part of the ocean, for that Meghalayan Age spa experience, and also because fungi and bacteria were thriving in this part of the ocean. I set about assisting as many as I could.

Smartship Argo

I built a Zapadapt Floating Mesa Platform, with embedded flower motif and trailing vines for aesthetic effect. The clinic is phenomenal but I doubt they appreciated the pure effort that went into the creation of it or the fact that I have a smartship that automatically locates me in space-time and loads itself with the necessary equipment for my current needs.

It could be argued that aesthetics is lost on trilobites but I intuitively believe that isn't so. In fact, I am already concerned that aesthetics is going to be extremely important for them as they process the concept that they are going to have to change form again. The next Form-Up requires them to take on a form that lacks aesthetic appeal, from their point of view. We will see how that turns out.

Trilobite Platform Clinic

For the Trilobite Clinic Platform I used a Converted Star Generator/Hover Beam Amplifier, a Twisted Windmill Force Generator to maintain the hover, a Multispectrum Healing Beam.

I also equipped a Handy Zap Gun, a Crank Turn Bacteria Processor Extrudomatic Log Mill, a Project Identification Sign, and platform Neon Lettering. Clearly, Class 2 Engineer work!

Unfortunately, my handy Zap Gun only zaps a few zillion bacteria at a time and doesn't affect the fungi at all, so this solution won't work.

If ever I needed to hear from Home Office, the time is now. I need their legal department to get in touch with me, please!

Om, Class 1 ZapTek Climate Change Engineer


Art Links, Trilobite Platform Clinic     36. Just The Way It Is     37. Cloud Dirigible    38. Smartship Argo    39. Trilobite Repair Platform     40. Trilobite Repair Platform Abyss

Sitting on my Control Panel Console for effect I used a Directional Focus Arrow and Neon Lettering to make my point to the trilobites about the inevitability of climate change. It didn't help, for one reason because the trilobites showed me their backs to make their point about their discontentedness with my leadership.

Ocean Longing

Trying to explain to trilobites why they can't become amoebas again just isn't possible and a huge waste of time. They don't understand it and they don't want to understand it. They want what they can't have and they turn their backs on reality. Refusing to face the inevitable is going to be their downfall. They have more cells than amoebas but you wouldn't know it by the way they behave.

Across a great gulf of space and time they yearn to be amoebas again while the amoebas envy the status gained by having the armor and want to be trilobites. I fear this may become the way of the world. A poet I met once in the Meghalayan Age, Percy Bysshe Shelley, wrote, "We look before and after and pine for what is not."

Unhappily, I can connect a dot right here from the trilobites to homo sapiens in the Meghalayan Age. Hard to believe, but these two species have much in common. One is barely more advanced than an amoeba and the other is full of concepts, solutions, and obstinance. Neither accepts climate change reality even when it hits them where it hurts. Amazing!

In the meantime I do what I can in this forsaken environment. Well, it isn't entirely forsaken, I AM here. For this special project, involving angry trilobites, I invented a Cloud Dirigible for Deep Water. I was quite proud of my invention, to be entirely honest, but unfortunately something went wrong. Either I was not in deep enough water or I had not configured the specifications properly. I could only repair a few at a time. I lay back on the Moon Recliner Relaxer Personal Power Plug to think about what went wrong. I finally concluded to upload my specifications to my Smartship for analysis in hopes that the Artificial Intelligience that is my Smartship Argo could come up with a solution for me.

Trilobite Repair Cloud Dirigible

I uploaded the plans to the Argo and received, almost instantly, a revised schematic for the Cloud Dirigible. After launching it I was dismayed to discover that it also was not functioning properly. I again queried the Smartship for an analysis as to what might be the problem. The Smartship concluded that the operation was taking place in water to shallow to completely accomodate all the trilobites needing repair. That works for me because I am beginning to be surrounded by angry trilobites who hole me responsible for their molting armor. Perhaps I can escape them if I go deep.

I was amazed to observe my smartship transform itself into a deep sea vehicle specifically to deliver my new dirigible, which it had manufactured by revising my original plans. In order to descend to this depth, the Argo rendered itself nearly transparent by reducing its subatomic particle count to virtually nil, but still was capable of cargo storage for my dirigible. The vortex form it adopted allowed it to descend by a clockwise whirling motion, spinning itself all the way down to the ocean floor.

Smartship Argo

I unloaded the Dirigible and set up a Zapadapt Trilobite Repair Platform in the dark, dark depths of the ocean but not deep enough apparently. The repair platform grabs the trilobites right out of the environment and whips them into the electronic force field and zap repairs the damage to their exoskeletons. Generally, that satisfies their grievances and they go away grumbling, but not all of them. The really angry trilobites, the fraud activists, are quite persistent in demanding I take responsibility for their plight.

Trilobite Repair Platform

With the Smartship's help I went deeper, so deep I discovered of an ocean abyss, a kind of watery black hole. The Argo remained on the premises of the project which, I have to admit, made me feel quite safe even though they found me again.

Trilobite Repair Platform

I have to comment, though, and no disrespect intended, that they are really serious in their useless activism and actually approach in a formation reminiscent of a Meghalayan Age air force attack formation. I surmise from that they mean war! I can't tell if these are some of the ones I pushed through the Zapadapt and are angry or if they are some of the ones that volunteered and are angry because they didn't get the colorful patterns randomly provided by the Electrical Geneticizer Generator. Either way, they're definitely angry. It occurred to me to think about pushing these angry trilobites into the abyss but my better nature prevented me from taking that action, even though I could achieve it. Forebearance, that's the way to go.

Although I feel the technology involved in this tremendous accomplishment is proprietary, I will share it anyway. The platform is completely unique, a Cloud Dirigible for Deep Water. Above it is a Vortex Centrifugal Force Supercharger (the Argo fulfilling another function I had no idea about).

Beneath the Cloud Dirigible is a Zapadapt Blast Form Generator, with Triple Transformer Towers complete with Electrical Circuit Collection Node Projectors, and a Moon Recliner Relaxer Personal Power Plug (as backup generator).

I really do hope Zapadapt will adopt it as standard equipment. (I may have to wait a few hundred millenniums to see how that pans out.)

At the very least the platform will repair some of the damage caused by climate change and it will also delay matters until I hear back from Home Office about the litigation issues.

I really need to hear from Home Office legal or just anything at all from Home Office would be helpful. I don't know what to do now.

If I didn't know better I would think Home Office is on permanent vacation.

Om, Class 1 ZapTek Climate Change Engineer


Journal Entries 1-12, The Trilobite Tragedy    1. Amoeba Recruitment Project    2. Humanoid Intrusion    3. Trilobite Clinic Platform    4. Trilobite Repair Platform    5. Future Bug    6. Do What Thou Wilt    7. Jellyfish Transducer Platform    8. Trilobite Workshop    9. Time Off    10. Extinction    11. Fishing Vacation    12. Nada

Chapters 1-6    1. The Trilobite Tragedy | 2. Maybe Nada | 3. The Whorl | 4. Toadsaga | 5. The Great Dying | 6. Here Be Dragons!

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ART, NARRATIVE, AND WEB DESIGN BY CLAIRE GRACE WATSON, M.S.T., Copyright Notice - Zapadapt - Down In the Crazy - Disk Of The World - Oil Madness - Transcension - Text and images copyrighted March 21, 1993-2022, Claire Grace Watson, B.A., M.S.T., U.S. Copyright and under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998, All rights reserved. No part of this web page may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.